Today is one of those days. I'm sure you've all had them. When you just can't seem to convince yourself to muster any effort into anything. because you haven't a bit of energy in you. Nothing you eat tastes like it has any flavor, and things that would normally entertain you seem dull and uninteresting.
On days like these, thoughts of suicide become very frequent in one's mind. In my mind. Because since nothing I think about has any feeling to it, all of the bad thoughts and memories just manage to stand out more than usual. I know I won't do it, at least I hope I won't, but it's very hard not to think about. It's strange, I'm normally a very happy person. I'm the kind of person that can wake up in the morning and see how clear the sky is, and from that little detail alone, my entire day suddenly has a very positive outlook. And yet, on days like these, all of those happy memories just don't seem to matter anymore.
One quote sticks out quite strongly in my mind on days like these. Frederick Nietzsche once said, "Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings; always darker, emptier, and simpler."
I hope you're right, Nietzsche. I hope that under all these shadowy thoughts of mine, there lies the feelings they once resembled.
Also, can you believe Today is my birthday? What an odd day to be having such a feeling. What an odd day.
